How to Handle Being the ‘Preferred Parent’: 7 Tips for Balanced Parenting

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of endless hugs, bedtime requests, and cries for “just you,” congratulations—you might be the preferred parent. While it’s heartwarming to be the favorite, it can also leave you drained and your partner feeling sidelined. Balancing the emotional scale isn’t just about sharing responsibilities; it’s about ensuring your child feels secure with both parents.

Here are seven practical tips to help you manage being the go-to parent without leaving your partner or yourself feeling left out.

1. Understand the reasons being the ‘Preferred Parent’

Parent preference is common, especially among toddlers. It often stems from who meets a child’s needs most frequently or who spends more time with them. For instance, a toddler only wants mom if she’s typically the one handling bath time or bedtime. Understanding that this is a normal developmental phase can ease the guilt and frustration.

What to Do:

• Maintain routines to help children feel secure with both parents.
• Acknowledge your partner’s feelings without downplaying them.

Parenting can bring its own set of challenges, especially when one parent is the preferred choice. Check out these new parent conflicts and learn how to navigate them together for a smoother parenting experience.

2. Share the Special Moments

Kids often latch onto the parent who meets their needs most consistently, especially during comforting routines. Allowing your partner to take over these moments—like bedtime stories or bath time—can help balance the scales.

Action Step:

• Establish a routine where your partner handles certain tasks daily. This helps your child build trust and comfort with them.

3. Avoid Forcing Interactions

As tempting as it is to hand off your clingy toddler when you need a break, forcing interactions can backfire. Gently encouraging your child to bond with the other parent works far better.

Pro Tip: Start with short activities like a 10-minute play session. Gradually extend the time as your child becomes more comfortable.

4. Communicate Openly With Your Partner

Feeling left out can cause hurt feelings for the non-preferred parent. It’s crucial to have honest, judgment-free conversations about what both of you need to feel balanced and appreciated.

Pro Tip: Establish a “tag team” approach: If one parent is overwhelmed, the other steps in smoothly.

5. Use the One-on-One Rule

Designate solo time for both parents to bond with the child. For instance, if the baby prefers dad during playtime, plan a mom-only activity afterward. This not only strengthens individual bonds but also helps the child see each parent as equally fun and comforting.

Try This:

• Schedule regular one-on-one outings like park visits or storytime.

6. Normalize All Feelings—For Everyone

It’s natural for the preferred parent to feel overwhelmed and the non-preferred parent to feel rejected. Acknowledge these feelings without guilt. Explain to your child that it’s okay to love and need both parents.

Pro Tip: Use phrases like, “I see you love spending time with Mom, but Dad can help you too!” to encourage open acceptance.

7. Stay Consistent and Patient with Your Child’s Choice of Preferred Parent

Parenting favoritism phases can shift suddenly—today it’s you, tomorrow it’s your partner. Consistency in routines, love, and boundaries reassures your child, making these phases pass more smoothly.

Patience Pays Off:

• Stick to established routines and resist making drastic changes to avoid escalating clinginess.

Feeling Overwhelmed? Let’s Talk! Join Our Parent Forum and Get Expert Advice & Support!

FAQs About Being the Preferred Parent

What causes a toddler to prefer one parent over the other?

Usually, it’s about who meets their needs most frequently or who handles specific tasks like bedtime or mealtime. Phases of toddler parent preference are a normal part of development.

How long does parent preference last?

It varies—sometimes a few weeks, sometimes months. Consistency and shared responsibilities between parents can help phase it out faster.

What should I do if my baby prefers dad or another caregiver?

Instead of feeling hurt, use this as an opportunity to bond through different activities. Be present during favorite routines to create positive associations.

How can I help my partner feel less rejected?

Encourage them to take on specific routines and remind them that parent preference is usually temporary and not a sign of a deeper issue.

Is it bad if my child shows a strong preference for one parent?

No, it’s a common phrase. As long as both parents remain involved and supportive, it’s usually a temporary issue.

Conclusion

Being the preferred parent can feel like both a badge of honor and a heavy weight. By balancing responsibilities, communicating openly, and practicing patience, you can turn parent preference from a stress point into an opportunity to strengthen your family bond. After all, it’s not about who gets the most hugs—it’s about making sure everyone feels equally loved.